Rowan Marcia Ducklow
1986-2023
The small behaviours that people can do like the eye-rolling, the snide comments, the dismissiveness, the gossiping; it makes a huge difference to someone who is in a very, very sensitive situation, who already feels very poorly and very afraid to have the people who are supposed to be helping them essentially not treat them very well; it makes a huge difference”
(Rowan Ducklow, Stigma and Mental Illness)
Rowan was an enthusiastic student of photography at NSCAD University and has work in the National Art Bank. They were also interested in acting during junior high and roller derby in their 20s, playing as a jammer on several teams in Halifax and Toronto.
But it was their struggles with mental health and the courage to talk about them led to a career as a peer support worker in mental health organizations in Toronto and Halifax. They worked on campaigns for the Sun Life Chair in Adolescent Mental Health and as a peer support worker for three organizations: the Ontario Shores Centre for Mental Health in Whitby, ON, Scarborough Healthy Communities in Toronto and Laing House in Halifax, a support centre for young people with mood disorders.
Rather than explain their life for them, we believe they speak for themselves in the videos and pictures below in blog entries and in the comments at the bottom.
Videos
Here are several videos Rowan appeared in as a mental health advocate.
A life in pictures
Over the Rainbow
Comments
We are grateful for the many comments from those who knew and loved Rowan. Here are a few.
Please feel free to add your comments below.
Rowan was one of the first friends I made after I moved to Halifax. I remember feeling both in awe and inspired by their uniqueness and how much they owned who they were, which in turn taught me a lot about myself thanks to how comfortable I felt in their presence and how open they were (and encouraged me to be).
As years passed, we drifted apart as people do, but every now and then our paths would cross again randomly. The last time we talked was earlier this year while they were walking their puppy. It wasn’t a long chat. Maybe 5 minutes or so, but afterward I remember feeling that sense of longing, kind of like homesickness, but for Time. I think of the past probably far more often than I should, but one of the periods I return to the most are from those days. It was a very special time for me and they were a very special person.
I’ve struggled with this news since I first read it. There isn’t really any right thing to say. My sincerest condolences to Stu and Cindy and Rowan’s friends and anyone who knew them. They had a rare spark. Judging by the many many lives they’ve touched, they will never be forgotten
–Michael Browne
I’m so sorry for your loss Stu, Rowan and I had so many wonderful memories. I still remember that time you put their shoes in the oven to dry them up post winter storm when we were kids. To when the three of us went to Gorsebrook hill and crashed into each other on Boxing Day.
–Robyn Norris
Rowan was very kind to me over the years, including when my son Jack died by suicide in 2021. Rowan featured me in one of their NSCAD photography assignments and we skated together in roller derby. My heart is with you at this time
— Sarah Densmore
I am heartbroken for your family and all of us who were so lucky to know Rowan. They were a very memorable part of my work experience in the Photo Dept. at NSCAD and every time something from Rowan popped up on social media I’ve been so happy for the connection, even virtually. Sending my deepest condolences and most heartfelt thoughts for the loss of such a wonderful person.
–Sue Earle
Im so devastated
I will forever cherish knowing Rowan. So special, inspiring, vibrant.
–Kristin Victoria Gray
I haven’t seen Rowan in years, but this is one that hurts nonetheless. I always had a lot of respect for them. It’s a harsh reminder that we all need to work harder to keep the vulnerable amongst us feeling loved, safe, and worthy of every day.
–Bee’s Knees General Store
I am heartbroken to hear this news Stu. Sending all my love to you and Cindy and the rest of your family. The world is a smaller place without Rowan in it. I have so many memories of them as a child and always enjoyed the passing glimpses I got of the fine adult they grew into.
–Molly Hurd
This is heartbreaking to learn. Rowan was a friend to our family and I remember sitting in our backyard in the Hydrostone and Rowan generously talking about their life with us. Sending love and condolences to the family.
–Maya Williams
I’m so sorry to read this, my most sincere condolences. I got to know Rowan at Laing House driving around to high schools and talking about mental health. Rowan was one the funniest, kindest and thoughtful people I’ve ever known. They will be truly missed by so many people.
–Peter Duke
Rowan carried an energy that lit up every room they were in. They created light that warmed my heart even when they weren’t there.
I’ll always carry that light we share. I’ll always carry the joy I feel when we were together. Through the good times and the bad, I’m gonna miss them something fierce.
Took me a long while to figure out what to say, and it never seems like enough to capture how much Rowan means to so many of us.
— Calhoun Keating Malay
I am sorry to see this. Rowan worked with me 10 years ago on a mental health project where we created a video series to end the stigma around mental health – they went by Stella back then, and I didn’t stay in touch with them during the COVID years. They were in similar friend circles as me though, and we shared a common interest in photography together.
–Caet Moir
I’m so sorry to hear of this Rowan was an amazing person and a great student . They showed so much courage in their battle with mental illness.
— Steve Farmer
I’m so very sorry to hear this and send heartfelt condolences to you and your family and all who knew Rowan. I met Rowan at Laing House and remember their kindness, gentleness, compassion for others and witty sense of humour. Xoxo
— Jude Bell
I worked with Rowan for a few months at Laing House, we shared many laughs. I’ll always remember their welcoming and encouraging spirit; they were a very selfless person who made everyone feel included, respected and watched out for.
–Colin Bullard
What?? Omg no 😔😔 they were wonderful, I’m so sad to hear this 💔
–Marika Forsythe
This breaks my heart. I also saw Rowan last while they were out walking their puppy not too too long ago. I remember being excited to have seen them – I understand what you mean about homesick for a time, but for me it was more nostalgia and being tickled pink.
— Sherry Benteau
I had the chance of working with Rowan with Youth Agaisnt Stigma Open mic nights and they were one of the first people to truly call me out during a photo shoot for an art collectoon I was part of about stigma of mental illness. Rowan said ” your one of the most unhappy people i know yet wear this bubbly mask” they then proceeded to get me to a make up artist who painted my face as a cracked doll face with the title ” I wish people would see through the cracks of my mask”
Rowan was an artist but brilliantly could connect with everyone on a deep level and see behind everyones masks. They were super caring and honest and I am really sad to hear this news 😭
–Bri Miller
fuck. fuck. fuck. Such a sweet person. There has to be a better outcome. I am so sad.
–Chris Nielsen
I haven’t seen Rowan in years, but this is one that hurts nonetheless. I always had a lot of respect for them. It’s a harsh reminder that we all need to work harder to keep the vulnerable amongst us feeling loved, safe, and worthy of every day.
–Sue Earle
I didn’t know Rowan well, but they were a great support to me when I was a Laing House member and dealing with my own mental health struggles. Such a cool and kind person and I am so sad to hear that they’re gone 😔
–Jay Hogan
Rowan was their own person and it was refreshing to be around.
–Lacy Dawn
Some people have a spark that lives inside us forever, the sting of grieving someone like that is a terrible thing. My condoleances…
–Natalie Believe
I am very sorry to hear about Rowan. Your post is lovely and accurate – Rowan was their own person and it was refreshing to be around.
–Lacy Dawn
Funny, dry, intense, and wonderful. Someone you can never forget.
–Shane Alan
Devastating. They were the reason I felt safe coming out 22 yrs ago.
–Caitlin Danielle
Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry. 😞 Rowan’s energy was so comforting.
–Andre Fenton
oh my gosh they were the best kind 💔
–Jessica Inkpen
This is heartbreaking. I have known Rowan for about 20 years. We had always kept contact sporadically, throughout the years. This July, we kept making plans to hang out, in person but our health issues continued to prevent us from doing so. I am so sad this did not happen. To say they were/are an inspiration seems trite, they were other-worldly, cosmic and very special to me. Sending so much love to their dad, family and all who loved them. Check in on your friends, often, and tell them you love them.
Rowan was truly an amazing human being. We met in high school and stayed friends for a very long time after. Rowan was kind, loving, supportive, creative, smart, talented, passionate about helping others and making a difference. I will never forget all the visits they made to the hospital to check up on me, when I was sick. They even brought me tons of my favorite chewing gum when they came to visit. We would go for walks, ice skating once and lots of long chats. I always felt they were trustworthy and that I could learn alot from them. Rowan will be forever missed by so many.
I am a member at Laing House and Rowan made such a positive impact in my life. I remember when they waited with me in the emergency room for 6 hours and waited with me after their shift ended as well. I will always remember our grocery store outings or even going on walk group. They were the kindest, caring and selfless person I know and I will miss them so much❤️
You’re going to be really missed in Chris’ backyard at Cempoal. I liked seeing you there and the smiles and hellos passing on night walks over the last few years. I find this so tragic. Genie told me you took your life and I’d seen you not even the day before that. I wish I’d had the chance to know you better. You were one of the cool kids to me.
Rowan was a bright, creative and funny soul. They had a lot of struggles though they often put the needs of others before their own. Sacrificing their own health to give back and help others on their health journeys. I had the pleasure to work with Rowan and call them a friend. For one project we were able to have funding for them to travel to Panama to document a training through photos. It was a joy to be able to share that experience with them and other work family.
I knew that things were going ok if I didn’t hear from them for a while, I started to worry more when I would get out of the blue calls, knowing from their voice their health had taken a down turn. We had office visits, coffee shop hangs, lunches, hospital visits and long phone calls that were reflective, and also full of laughs. The last 10 years we lived in different cities but always tried to meet up when visiting the others location. The last two years we had fallen out of touch which makes this day even sadder for me. I hope you have found some peace dear soul. May your smile, large heart and wit be remembered by all you touched.
My heart swells seeing these pictures and videos and knowing how many people you touched with your life. You were a strong passionate person and you are a beautiful soul.
I’m so sorry to learn of this devastating news. Rowan was a very memorable student in the Photo department. It was my privilege to witness their development as a practitioner over the years. I’m so profoundly sorry for your loss.
When my Accessibility role at NSCAD was expanded to involve more mental health services, including overseeing the peer support program, Rowan could tell I was nervous; they helped me by normalizing difficult subjects in our conversations and inviting me to join and experience their Youth Against Stigma coffee houses. I will always be grateful for that.
Rowan was an amazing person, someone who left a little piece of hope in everyone that they met. It was a privilege for me to know them and to learn from them and to have been invited into their life. I know that so many others feel the same way. That just their presence made an everlasting mark. As an example, the day that our Prime Minister called to invite me to join the Senate, one of the first things he said to me was: “How is Stella (as Rowan was then called).” That question spoke volumes about the impact that they have made. It is with great sadness that I have to recognize that this light has gone out, but I treasure the impact they have had on me and will commit to not giving up on the task that they took on. We have lost an artist and a wonderful human being. Hugs to all.
Learning of Rowan’s passing is such sad news. I haven’t been in touch with them for a very long time. I’m uplifted by all the comments and sharing of stories. I recall sitting together on a flight to Toronto and us talking from the moment we sat down until our travel day ended. It was a great talk. When I think of Rowan, who I called Stella back then, I see them lifting, clicking and lowering their camera, each time revealing those knowing and wise-beyond-years eyes. It is great to see the posted photos and videos as they remind me of Rowan’s sincerity and the grounding effect I always felt in their presence. They made me want to do better at what I do. I’m so glad for having had Rowan in my life.
I’m devastated to learn of Rowan’s passing. I’m sad to say that I hadn’t had the opportunity to speak with them in several years but they remain an inspiration in my eyes. I will be forever grateful to have known them.
The last time I saw them was at the Quinpool Superstore. I was walking by when I noticed them waving their arms at me from inside. Then they rushed out and hugged me. I’ll always cherish that hug. I was feeling sad and Rowan made me feel better.
My thoughts go out to you Stu, and the rest of Rowan’s family in this difficult time.
Our hearts are with you, Stu and Cindy, at this terrible time. We remember Rowan as a creative school kid, and we sometimes heard of their artistic pursuits and advocacy as an adult. We read the comments from those who were moved by Rowan’s life, and acknowledge the incredible loss and heartache that is left behind. Sheila and Friedemann
Dear Stu and Cindy; I haven’t known Rowan since they were at the Dal school, but having watched their work, i am now grieving the loss of that opportunity. What an amazing person and to have worked so hard to advocate for those with mental health challenges is truly inspiring. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Knowing Rowan changed how I approach my attitude toward my own mental health, self advocacy and has impacted my career path, where I now advocate wellness professionally. I looked up to them as an artist, advocate and a human, despite their being several years my junior.
I am not a person who makes a lot of eye contact but when I think of Rowan that is always my first image of them, making eye contact, really seeing me in a time in my life and spaces where I often felt deeply unseen. And seeing, I always thought, a little better version of me than I saw of myself. I think a lot of people are better for having a glimpse of themselves through Rowan’s eyes. I wish they could have seen themselves through ours. I am sorry you were in so much pain, my friend.
My dear friend Cindy & Stu
Cindy, I am in Cuba so just heard the devastating news about Rowan/stella when I knew them.
Such a sad ending for such a beautiful Person. My heart full of love is being sent to you and my arms are hugging you just now Cindy. I hope you feel them.
I know there are no words to lessen your pain, just know that I am holding you close in my heart and my thoughts.
Love you
Lynn
Thanks Lynn
Rowan was quirky and smart and ambitious and funny. Selfie photo is from a 2015 biz trip where we met for a meal and laughed hilariously. Will miss them.
Terrific pic— thanks Susan!
I was so happy to find this picture among Rowan’s photos. It is of all their Aunts and Uncles and Grandmother on Cindy’s side of the family. I remember the day well – the summer of 1990 and our Mother wanted a picture of all 8 of us together which was a rare occasion. I remember Rowan refused to leave Cindy’s side so they were included in the picture and rightfully so lol Rowan, who was Stella back then , was a sweet little one and knew what they wanted – no grey area with them! I went to Toronto in 2017 and when my son and family went to a Bluejay game , Rowan and I went out to dinner. We had the best chat and they were so happy – it’s an evening I will treasure. I regret I don’t have a picture of us that night. I was so proud of Rowan and all they accomplished in their plight to put an end to the stigma surrounding mental health. Bless you dear Rowan. You are missed and loved more than you know. Cindy and Stu my heart aches for both of you as you navigate your long and lonely journey of grief. 🥀
I wanted to share this, taken in February 2013. The Youth Advisory Council members supporting Sandy at their art show. So glad I found this. I’m deeply grateful to have known you, Rowan. Forever in our hearts.
Thank you Kristin!
Cindy & Stu, I am so sorry. The loss of Rowan is a tragedy. I wish I had words that could bring comfort at this time. I have a few pictures to share, I wish I had taken more over the years.
Thanks Nancy!
another picture
Two beautiful girls!
another picture
picture
additional picture
I heard the news about Rowan from Samantha at Christmas and was devastated to learn that another of our neighbours children had found an out of this world place of comfort. So sad for all their friends and family and for their lifetime struggle with that “monkey on their back”. The last time I say Rowan, Stella to me, they recognized me and we struck up a friendly information gathering conversation of past and present on Quinpool Rd. I was happy to see them blossoming as we had kept in touch through her dad over the years. May peace be with you all!
Thanks Sandy!
A treasured day
Thanks Gina!
On behalf of all of us at Ontario Shores, I want to extended my deepest sympathies on the passing of Rowan. As the news circulates through the organization, people are sharing fond memories of the impact they had while here. I personally interacted with Rowan first during the filming of our documentary and was immediately struck by their talent and authenticity.
They were a constant inspiration, an amazing ambassador, guide and friend. Ever creative and would often speak of her father for their photography influence; they will be dearly missed. Know that Rowan had a tremendously positive influence on all those around them, and they helped so many of our patients, families and staff.
Andrea Marshall
VP of Communications and Patient Experience
Ontario Shores entre for Mental Health Sciences
I am heartbroken to say the least. Rowan was a rare and bright light that was funny and creative, quirky and smart, vulnerable but so strong. I will always cherish the time we spent on the documentary and telling the story to so many who couldn’t help be drawn to this magnificent soul. I felt like the parental figure to the three young individuals who shared their stories to help others as we travelled to New York and spent time in classrooms. I spent today processing and going through old stories and memories. I cried, smiled, questioned and grieved. But I will close my eyes tonight knowing that Rowan made me a better person and I will always cherish that.
I am heartbroken by this news. Rowan was a bright light who I feel blessed to have spent time getting to know. Rowan was creative and quirky. Funny and thoughtful. Vulnerable and strong. Rowan made such a difference in the lives of others that I don’t know they could really comprehend. I saw it at film festivals and in classrooms. There are but a few people that you connect with that make you a better person and Rowan (who I knew as Stella) was one of those brilliant souls.
I had the pleasure of working alongside Rowan at Ontario Shores for several years in Whitby, Ontario. The impact they had on those seeking help there and the countless lives saved is immeasurable. Rowan changed the way I practiced as a clinician which I have heard from many others. The ripple effect of their life and passion will live on forever.
I met up with Rowan for dinner in the fall of 2022 in Halifax and we had a really nice walk along the boardwalk filled with all sorts of laughs and reminiscing. I regret not getting a picture together but took a picture of this which produced some additional great laughs!
Thinking of all their family and friends following this devastating loss.
The world is brighter having had you in it my friend.
Shawn Carter
I met Rowan initially working together as peer support specialists. Rowan was clearly a favourite among the clients we were working with. They had a fearlessness when it came to advocating for others, combined with their intelligence and interest in research, they could be intimidating. However, the witty sense of humour and ability to make almost anything funny made you feel at ease. I would come into my office in the morning and have comics taped to my chair, usually the duck adventures from poorly drawn lines. I would sometimes be crying from laughing so hard.
When they stopped working with me we became closer. I ended up going through a devastating illness and there they were where they were the strongest, being there for someone down and out. I was a mess. They gave validation and continued to make me laugh my ass off even about my situation, and of course sending me random comics. We didn’t speak all the time but when we did talk it was a 2 to 3 hour affair. I was blessed to have them during the worst times of my life. I so wish I could have reciprocated.
I found out they passed the other day. I saw I missed their last message to me. I ugly cried for you my friend. The thought of those large, kind, old soul eyes being closed makes me sad and ill.
Rowan, I love you, I’ll miss you, until we meet again.
I’m a member at Laing House, and while I didn’t know Rowan for very long before they left, it was lovely to know them for that time.
They were already a staff member when I started going there, and even though I struggled to socialize, I always had comfortable interactions with them. We found out we had the same childhood psychiatrist and would share funny stories about her, we showed each other pictures & videos of our dogs, and often made dark jokes that had each other cackling. At the time, they were the only staff that I felt I could be myself around; nothing about our interactions seemed artificial or distant.
I remember them doing fun things with other members, like painting each others’ nails or putting on face masks in queer club. They had a really special ability to connect with people.
One time, during the preparation of one of the community meals, I was really overwhelmed. There was so much going on that I hadn’t even realized I needed a break, yet Rowan saw that I wasn’t okay. There were still things left for me to do, but they made sure I went upstairs to decompress instead. From other comments, I can tell that that’s just who they were.
I hope they’ve found the peace that they fought for others to have, and that mental illness can make so desperately hard to find. I hope they know they deserved that peace while they were still here.
And to their loved ones: I hope there’s even an iota of comfort found in the knowledge that, according to the law of the conservation of energy, in a way, they are still here.
The memorial for Rowan was beautiful. The heartfelt sharing, readings, songs, rapping… it was electric. The naked Love and appreciation for Rowan was palpable among all who were there in spirit. The tribute of slide photos with Somewhere Over the Rainbow softly playing brought me to tears, remembering Rowan as a child and how whimsical, magical and wise she was as little Stella and how the years to come bought time for so many destined friends and loved ones to touch souls with Rowan, the unique and expressive adult who had so much to offer and share. Thank you Cindy and Stu and friends who organized this gathering so that we could process together and hold space for each other and for Rowan.
Thanks Genie! Nice to see you and Daniel there.
Thanks so much for putting this together. I knew Rowan in Toronto and was planning to meet up with them down East since we we both back out here. My sincerest condolences to their community of friends and loved ones. They were a very special person and I feel lucky to have met them. 💕
Rowan, you were a beacon of light to all who met you, profoundly touching the lives of everyone you encountered. Articulating how much you meant to me and how you inspired others is difficult. Your love, kindness, and fiery passion infused everything you did. Your unwavering dedication to mental health awareness, despite your own struggles, was truly remarkable. You gave a voice to the voiceless, providing comfort and understanding to those facing similar challenges. Through your advocacy, you educated, informed, and fostered empathy and hope in the hearts of all you touched.
In the communities you called home, your impact still resonates. You created a sanctuary where all were welcomed, accepted, and embraced for who they truly were. The overwhelming attendance at your memorial, along with the many who wished to be there but could not, attests to the countless lives you affected. The profound imprint you left on the world is undeniable, and I wish you could’ve truly known how loved and remarkable you were!
Amidst the complexities of our friendship and the challenges we faced together, I found comfort in reminiscing the moments we shared. I am grateful and feel privileged to have known you; your influence continues to inspire and elevate me, a testament to the wonderfully irreplaceable person you were.
Rowan, your absence has created a void that words cannot adequately express. You leave behind a legacy of love and resilience. Thank you for enriching my life with your presence; you were, and will always remain, truly extraordinary!
– Isabelle-
Thanks Isabele.
Yes, Wugglie Pie, people do come to this website from time to time because they miss you